I am a terrified mother. Why? Because I have a two year old daughter and I noticed that she can repeat anything like a parrot.

Alhamdulillah. She is absorbing a lot of information that she will be able to apply later in her life. However, I am scared that she is trying to absorb too much of what the adults around her do.

I want her to be a good person. But there is no manual to accomplish this. I stubbed my toe and thankfully said ouch, but all day my toddler kept rubbing her toe and saying owwww. What if I said &$?!!’ by accident?

How can I filter what she absorbs? The answer is that I can try, but I can’t do it 100%.

All I can do is keep trying. At least Muslim parents have some guidance in the Quran, Sunnah and the lives of the Companions alhamdullillah.

According to Umar (ra) the rights of children from their parents are:

1) To choose a good mother (or father) for him/her.

2) To select a good name for her/him.

3) To teach him/her the Quran.

For the first one, I actually sat and thought my Hubster would be kind hearted with his future kids when we met for marriage talks. This is because I saw how gentle he was with my own nieces and nephews. He also made sure to spoil his cousin’s children regularly. Mashallah, I am lucky because when I have to discipline my toddler, he tempers that with his warmth and love.

The second one is important too. A name becomes a part of a person. If you give a good Islamic name, you start to embody that name. My name is Minara which is a derivative of minaret which is where the caller of prayer stands. It is interesting because it is now in my nature to call others to the beauty of our deen. I named my daughter Safiya so she can embody the noble qualities that the wife of the Prophet (saws) had. And wouldn’t you know she is very empathetic and fiercely independent mashallah.

Lastly, I am trying to teach her Quran. I am not the best parent, but I am trying. She is only two (today is her birthday!) but I can at least try to teach her Surah Ikhlas.

I hope that Allah (swt) blesses all those Muslim parents out there trying. It’s not easy, but keep trying. Even in the United States, there are people of all faiths trying to stay modest and raise good children to be good people. Just remember that and make lots of dua for you and for me too! 🙂

April 1, 2013Islam, Life

When Dreams Are Deferred

minaraelrahmanDisappointment in Islam, dream deferred, sadn Leave a comment

Sometimes it’s hard to say why, but you can get afflicted with sadness. During these moments it is best to remember what Allah (swt) tells us about what he promised the people of Musa (as) after they crossed the river and escaped Firawn:
And remember when your Lord made known, “If you are grateful then I will surely increase you but if you are ungrateful then surely My torment is surely severe”.
Surah 14 Ayah 7

Why is that? The people of Musa (as) suffered unspeakable sadness at the hands of Firawn. So instead of letting that sadness etch a bitterness in their hearts, Allah (swt) is giving them an antidote.

Gratitude is the cure of sadness.

I have been noticing that I have been sad because a lot of my own dreams have been deferred. At first I was sad. I mean my dreams are more like wanting to see Allah (swt)’s house during Hajj, or even something mundane as going to Paris.

I realize that Allah (swt) is deferring these dreams and I can’t question that.

However, on a deeper note, I realize that gratitude is important as well. It helps you have more sabr (patience). It helps you realize what your blessings are and prevents us from causing God’s displeasure.

Gratitude helps us stop and appreciate what we have. Here is where I definitely felt like a first world problems (whiny blogger). I am upset about Hajj? What about Syrians losing their family members daily? Or Palestinians not even given their rights to cross a checkpoint to see a doctor? That really puts it in perspective.

Gratitude helps bring more blessings. Allah (swt) promises in that ayah that if you are grateful, Allah (swt) will increase you. The Arabic is beautiful because it does not specify what. This means that Allah (swt) will increase each person in something they need based on their life. How poetic is that? And Allah ( swt) doesn’t specify the punishment for ingratitude, but we should avoid it because who really wants to face Allah (swt)’s anger?

So for the moment, I am turning inward to be more grateful. And you know what? Somehow I don’t feel so sad anymore.

March 31, 2013Islam, Life, Love and Marriage

The Importance Of Taking It Slow

minaraelrahmanhijabi life, Islam, Life lessons, Muslim lifestyle, Muslim vacation 4 Comments

Salaams my lovelies! I hope you are having a great weekend inshallah. Some of you may have even had a long weekend thanks to Good Friday.

It’s been a crazy hectic few weeks in terms of traveling for work for not only myself, but my Hubster too.

So we thought we would take a day to explore some place that wasn’t too far but was just far enough that we could feel like we got a little mini vacation in.

We went to Monterey and Pacific Grove in California. Not only did we feel refreshed, we felt rejuvenated on the inside as well. We spend so much time on screens (laptops, iPads, iPhones, etc), that we forget the beauty of Allah (swt)’s creation. In Surah 13, Ayah 3, Allah (swt) says:

And it is He who spread out the earth, and set thereon mountains standing firm and (flowing) rivers: and fruit of every kind He made in pairs, two and two: He draweth the night as a veil o’er the Day. Behold, verily in these things there are signs for those who consider!

Here I was witnessing the beauty of sea cliffs carpeting with wildflowers before me today and wondering how we are have become numb in our daily lives. I am very guilty of not looking at the beauty of nature more and making dhikr or dua as I do so.

We need to take it slow sometimes. It will make us better spouses, parents and Muslims. We can’t do everything! No one expects us to either. Sometimes we are our own worst multitasking enemy. So remember to take it slow and realize that you may think you are doing nothing, but strolling and taking in nature’s beauty and doing dhikr cleanses our hearts and rejuvenates the soul.

So if you are like me, I ask you to do yourself a favor. Unplug even for an hour and take your little ones on a nature adventure. It will be fun for the kids and you will notice how relaxing it is for you too. It is in our nature to admire things of beauty and worship our Lord. So this will help you do both.

Try it and let me know what you think inshallah. 🙂

March 27, 2013Islam, Life, Love and Marriage

Success In A Muslim Marriage

minaraelrahmanhappy Muslim couple, Islamic marriage, islamic marriage advice, marital advice, muslim husband, muslim marriage, muslim wife 6 Comments

With some hard work, your marriage can be one that lasts long into your golden years inshallah.

All marriages get into a rut. We have all been there. We get so used to our spouse, that anything they do may annoy us. Those little beard trimmings in the sink? Not so cute. Those socks on the floor? Downright annoying. Those late nights at the office? All of it can have you wonder “Why did I ever bother getting married?”

News flash ladies: All of these feelings are normal! What is not so great is that we are so used to instant gratification in our culture that the minute things get tough, we are all ready to walk away. I don’t know if this is because we are used to everything being disposable now. I remember how when we bought a television, that television was anticipated to LAST forever (or at least a decade or so). Now, if you keep your television longer than five years, people think you are crazy. Even with clothes, we are so used to just throwing away clothes that rip or tear versus trying to mend them and wear them longer. I have friends who have made fun of me for taking my battle worn flats to the cobbler a few times because I did not want to throw them away.

It seems that disposable culture is seeping into our personal lives too. We are so quick to throw away friendships, marriages, and even blood relations.

My lovely readers, please take some time and think about how to rethink things in your marriage. Here are some tips to help you get started:

Focus On What Made You Fall In Love: Was it your spouse’s smile that made you start caring? Was it the easy way you can talk to your spouse about anything? Was it the way your spouse gently wakes you up for fajr? Retrain your mind to see those qualities first. It makes it a lot easier to let go of the things that annoy you.
Realize That Some Things Won’t Change: If those annoyances are recurring things, it is highly probable that those things are not going to change. So instead of forcing your spouse to conform to your needs and desires, try to overlook these things. It will save you a lot of fighting and stress.
Focus On You: Sometimes you may be overworked and your spouse inadvertently gets the brunt of your stress! let your spouse know if you need a break for some “me time.” Chances are your spouse will work with you to keep you happy too. For me, I have to work out and I need time to blog. So my Hubster always makes sure to take care of the baby while I do that. When I come back from whatever it was I was doing, I always feel happier and more likely to share the love all around. That saying “When Mama is Happy, Everyone Is Happy” is totally true in our house!

What are your ingredients for success?

March 26, 2013Life

Hijabi Fitness Ideas

minaraelrahmanbellydancing, exercise with hijab, fitness inspiration, hijabi fitness 2 Comments

As a hijabi, you can be modest and in shape.

Salaam my lovely readers. I hope all is well with you inshallah. I have been on a major fitness kick lately. I don’t know if its the spring weather, or if I am just tired of lazing about, but I am more pumped than ever to try new gym classes, healthy recipes, and get my hijabi fitness on. It looks like the fitness bug is going around because I was talking to one of my husband’s relatives who managed to lose a whopping 35 lbs mashallah! She was sweet enough to say that I inspired her (haha the day before I inhaled a cookie that was 440 calories).

Needless to say that flattering comment got me motivated again to keep at it.

I first starting wearing hijab as a 13 year old. I even went a step further and wore an abaya. While that was great, it was also a critical time that I stopped exercising. Why? It seemed to hard to wear modest clothing and work so why bother? I wish I could go back in time and tell my teen self that yes fitness is important and that you can do it modestly too. The other thing is that since I was wearing looser clothing, it was easy to gain weight and not even notice.

Fast forward almost 20 years later, I still wear modest clothing, but I work out. I wear maternity clothes when I do exercise since it provides me the coverage I need as a hijabi. I also make sure to track what I eat, weigh myself in the morning (sometimes I want to throw my scale out the window), and just make sure to have fun when I exercise. I recently started taking belly dancing classes with only women. If a non coordinated person like me can do it, so can you! I look silly, but I am still trying because our bodies are an entrustment (amanah) from God that we must take care of.

Once you start to work out, the bug will catch on. My mother in law just started working out herself at 51 years of age mashallah. It’s never too late to start! Let me know how you stay motivated to exercise while wearing hijab. Also, what class should I try next?

March 25, 2013Style

Workout gear for hijabis

minaraelrahmanfashion, Mama.licious, Old Navy, Puma, style, VILA Leave a comment

Working out as a hijabi doesn’t have to be boring. Mix it up!

Workout gear for hijabis by minara-elrahman featuring mama·licious

One of my most asked questions as a hijabi is how I manage to stay active with hijab on. In the past, I just improvised a lot. In fact, I still do improvise. With hijabs, I choose a lightweight cotton type so that if I sweat, it doesn’t trap bacteria against my scalp. With pants, I choose loose fit sweats (Puma makes a great one, but I even cheat and use maternity yoga pants which are not as tight as something like Lululemon). How can you not love these gray yoga pants from Old Navy? They are not only cute, but they are a steal too. I also wear long cotton maternity dresses to cover my tushie so I can truly get my workout on. I will warn my yogi hijabis that you have to wear a tucked in shirt for yoga classes though.

Lastly, pick shoes that go with your workout. I am a Nia/Zumba type so these Pumas work well for me. If you run a lot (which I also do) make sure to check out New Balance sneakers (or as my hijabis in the UK say, trainers).

I always carry extra luxe toiletries, extra hijab pins, flip flops, my makeup bag and a comb in a super cute Puma bag. I actually have the green version, but for this collage, I picked a gray silver. Having cute workout clothes incentivizes me to work out harder. What about you?

March 22, 2013Style

Follow Friday: Gary Pepper Girl Nicole Warne

minaraelrahmanFollow Friday, gary pepper girl, Instagram, Luke Bolt, Nicole Warne Leave a comment

Gary Pepper Girl Nicole Warne has an arresting array of photos on Instagram

Jumah mubarak my lovelies! I hope you are all having an amazing Friday inshallah. I typically share Follow Friday on a Muslim on Instagram who captures my attention. However, given the amazingly beautiful photographs on Nicole Warne’s Instagram, I had to share her with you. Nicole Warne is the founder of an online vintage store called Gary Pepper. She has a visual diary of her travels as an online fashionista. It mixes colors and nature in a way that can be translated for any hijabi who wants to brighten up her look. Her easy breezy style is easy to draw from and accessible. You can find pieces inspired by her in your local Forever 21, but it is how she mixes her pieces that makes her a knockout.

I love being swept away on her travels through her native Australia and her treks to fashion weeks all over the globe. You can find her on Instagram at garypeppergirl. Make sure to follow her for inspiration on fashion, travels, and just plain beautiful photography.

March 19, 2013Style

Hijabi Find: Non See Through Maxi Skirts!

minaraelrahmanhijab fashion, hijab trend, Hijabi style, Maxi skirt, Maxi skirts, non see through 4 Comments

Mango Maxi Skirt

Is just me, or does it seem like all the recent offering of maxi skirts are completely or partially see through? I know some of you lovely readers are crafty enough to sew your own linings, but what about the sewing challenged (like myself)? I often have to recruit my mom or a tailor to sew an extra lining for me for maxi skirts I purchase at places like Forever 21, Target, or Sears. I mean it seems like everything from tops to bottoms are purposefully see through. While some companies have wised up that see through is no good (see Lululemon’s see through yoga pant recall), it seems like a fashion that is not going away. What is a hijabi to do?

Well I have some awesome news. There are lightweight satin maxi skirts now available at Mango stores right now that are not see through. They come in a variety of fun bright colors that you can wear all spring and summer long. Just make sure to thank me when you are strutting your stuff (see through free)!

March 14, 2013Life

Patience in Islam

minaraelrahman 3 Comments

Patience in Islam is not only a virtue, its something we should actively cultivate.

As a mom, it’s hard to see your child throw fits, go to Daddy instead of you, or even be sick. In those times, I really try to remember that sabr (patience) is a quality adored by our Creator. In the holy Quran Allah (swt) states:

“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient” (Qur’an, 2:155)

While it is not easy to be patient, just realize that nothing good comes from being impatient. If you are late for work, bemoaning all the traffic lights turning red will not change the fact that you are late. It took me a long time to realize that while I could not change my circumstances, I had the ability to change my reaction to those circumstances.

Even with that knowledge, I know I am still not perfect. Sabr is not just enduring what befalls you quietly. It is a delayed gratification. If you can delay your instinct for instant gratification, Allah (swt) will reward you if not in this life, then the hereafter.

I recently moved to a suburban area and we only had one car. So instead of my commute being 6 minutes, it was a whopping 60 minutes with public transportation. While taking that, I would sit and think how unfair it was that my contemporaries all had cars and I was needlessly suffering. However, I had to remind myself that I made a choice not to purchase a brand new car because of ribah (interest which is forbidden in Islam) and I needed to have sabr to save for a used car.

I carried this internal dialogue for 1 year. But Alh, Allah (swt) is merciful and instead of having to wait any longer, my mother in law bought a car for our family. Do you see how Allah (swt) tests you even if you have a good intention to obey him? Trials bring you closer to God while punishments push you away from God. I felt guilty for even entertaining such “woe is me” thoughts.

We can never be grateful enough to God for our blessings. Even with our trials, it’s nothing compared to others. What about our sisters and brothers in war torn countries? Or in poverty? Or worried about feeding their children?

With this in mind, let us make dua that we have sabr jameel inshallah so that we can please our lord. It is a virtue that helps us complete our faith. After all, the Prophet (saws) said:

“Patience is half of faith (īmān).”

Hijabi Life

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