Category Archives: Love and Marriage

Islam, Life, Love and Marriage

Being A Single Hijabi

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Salaams my lovelies! I hope you are having a great week inshallah. I wanted to write a post to help my single hijabi sisters out.

I wanted to let you know that as a hijabi since 1994, I had my share of naysayers. Lots of people tried to tell me that as a hijabi I wouldn’t find a guy interested to marry me.

In my early 20s I was indignant. How dare they tell me I can’t get married? But as my late 20s rolled in, I panicked. I started to notice my non hijabi friends get snapped up and married. I was starting to notice looks of sympathy amongst the auntie set.

Let me tell you, it’s not easy. But stay strong hijabis! It may seem like even the “religious” brothers are marrying non hijabis, but Allah (swt) has written who you will marry. It’s only a test. Remember that if you stay strong, you will be rewarded by Allah (swt).

I can tell you that in my own experience, I had patience and alhamdulillah I found the perfect spouse for me. He supports my professional life and nurtures me spiritually. So stay strong sisters! It does get better. In the meantime keep being your awesome selves. Sending some love and duas your way. You are definitely not alone. 🙂

Islam, Life, Love and Marriage

The Importance Of Taking It Slow

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Salaams my lovelies! I hope you are having a great weekend inshallah. Some of you may have even had a long weekend thanks to Good Friday.

It’s been a crazy hectic few weeks in terms of traveling for work for not only myself, but my Hubster too.

So we thought we would take a day to explore some place that wasn’t too far but was just far enough that we could feel like we got a little mini vacation in.

We went to Monterey and Pacific Grove in California. Not only did we feel refreshed, we felt rejuvenated on the inside as well. We spend so much time on screens (laptops, iPads, iPhones, etc), that we forget the beauty of Allah (swt)’s creation. In Surah 13, Ayah 3, Allah (swt) says:

And it is He who spread out the earth, and set thereon mountains standing firm and (flowing) rivers: and fruit of every kind He made in pairs, two and two: He draweth the night as a veil o’er the Day. Behold, verily in these things there are signs for those who consider!

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Here I was witnessing the beauty of sea cliffs carpeting with wildflowers before me today and wondering how we are have become numb in our daily lives. I am very guilty of not looking at the beauty of nature more and making dhikr or dua as I do so.

We need to take it slow sometimes. It will make us better spouses, parents and Muslims. We can’t do everything! No one expects us to either. Sometimes we are our own worst multitasking enemy. So remember to take it slow and realize that you may think you are doing nothing, but strolling and taking in nature’s beauty and doing dhikr cleanses our hearts and rejuvenates the soul.

So if you are like me, I ask you to do yourself a favor. Unplug even for an hour and take your little ones on a nature adventure. It will be fun for the kids and you will notice how relaxing it is for you too. It is in our nature to admire things of beauty and worship our Lord. So this will help you do both.

Try it and let me know what you think inshallah. 🙂

Islam, Life, Love and Marriage

Success In A Muslim Marriage

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Older Muslim Couple

With some hard work, your marriage can be one that lasts long into your golden years inshallah.

All marriages get into a rut. We have all been there. We get so used to our spouse, that anything they do may annoy us. Those little beard trimmings in the sink? Not so cute. Those socks on the floor? Downright annoying. Those late nights at the office? All of it can have you wonder “Why did I ever bother getting married?”

News flash ladies: All of these feelings are normal! What is not so great is that we are so used to instant gratification in our culture that the minute things get tough, we are all ready to walk away. I don’t know if this is because we are used to everything being disposable now. I remember how when we bought a television, that television was anticipated to LAST forever (or at least a decade or so). Now, if you keep your television longer than five years, people think you are crazy. Even with clothes, we are so used to just throwing away clothes that rip or tear versus trying to mend them and wear them longer. I have friends who have made fun of me for taking my battle worn flats to the cobbler a few times because I did not want to throw them away.

It seems that disposable culture is seeping into our personal lives too. We are so quick to throw away friendships, marriages, and even blood relations.

My lovely readers, please take some time and think about how to rethink things in your marriage. Here are some tips to help you get started:

  • Focus On What Made You Fall In Love: Was it your spouse’s smile that made you start caring? Was it the easy way you can talk to your spouse about anything? Was it the way your spouse gently wakes you up for fajr? Retrain your mind to see those qualities first. It makes it a lot easier to let go of the things that annoy you.
  • Realize That Some Things Won’t Change: If those annoyances are recurring things, it is highly probable that those things are not going to change. So instead of forcing your spouse to conform to your needs and desires, try to overlook these things. It will save you a lot of fighting and stress.
  • Focus On You: Sometimes you may be overworked and your spouse inadvertently gets the brunt of your stress! let your spouse know if you need a break for some “me time.” Chances are your spouse will work with you to keep you happy too. For me, I have to work out and I need time to blog. So my Hubster always makes sure to take care of the baby while I do that. When I come back from whatever it was I was doing, I always feel happier and more likely to share the love all around. That saying “When Mama is Happy, Everyone Is Happy” is totally true in our house!

What are your ingredients for success?

Love and Marriage

Marriage Tips for the Muslim Husband

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It’s been a while since I wrote a post about life as a married hijabi.

I wanted to write about love in Islam because I feel like its an important topic in every time and age.

In particular, I wanted to write about love between a Muslim husband and his wife.

Now, I want to warn you that I am not a marriage counselor or an expert in relationships, but I wanted to share with you some important gems from a Muslim wife’s perspective:

1) Your wife loves you: Sometimes Muslim men forget that their wives want the best for them. While it may seem like your wife is nagging you, your wife is trying to look out for you.

She wants you to succeed. For example, if your wife is trying to wake you up, it’s not that she doesn’t want you to sleep in, but she may be trying to make sure you don’t miss fajr or miss a good portion of your day. So next time you think your wife is nagging, think about what she is focusing on and why it seems to be important.

2) Your wife wants to be heard: A lot of wives notice this. Your wife is trying to relay an important story and the you are just nodding along but it turns out you had earbuds in and you were jamming to music (or nasheeds or Quran). If your wife is talking, try to make eye contact and really listen.

3) Your wife covers for you: If you see your wife is working hard with your kids, working hard outside, or even inside your home, try to appreciate that. She is covering all your bases and errands so that you can have a moment to get closer to Allah, relax, etc.

4) Never underestimate a nice break: It doesn’t matter what type of wife you have. If she is a woman, she will appreciate you even more for giving HER a break. For example, give her a break from the kids so she can spend some time with her friends, or plan a nice weekend getaway. I promise you those little acts of kindness go a long way.

If you can’t give her a break, at least try to appreciate your wife. Some wives love books. Others love chocolates. For us, I adore fresh cut flowers. So when my Hubster wants to make me feel appreciated, he brings me some flowers. It definitely helps make my day and I in turn try to spoil him too.

I hope these tips help. Let me know what you think!

Life, Love and Marriage

A Key To A Happy Muslim Marriage

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A happy Muslim couple

Jumah mubarak my lovelies! I hope that you are all doing well on this Friday inshallah. I have been doing a lot of fashion/style/beauty posts so I decided to do a Muslim lifestyle blog post today on marriage. I wanted to do it on a topic that I think is super important because I feel like young Muslim couples are being pushed more than ever to part over things that may not be worth fighting over. Just as a background, I will be celebrating my own 4 year anniversary with the Hubster next week inshallah. Over those years, I had to learn a few things the HARD way. I wanted to share one of the key elements that I found my own marriage much happier.

One of the things that I noticed that really affected my marriage was nagging. Yes, ladies, while nagging works in the short term, one of the awful long term effects is that your husband starts to resent it (and maybe even you) and then he will start to ignore you and tune you out. It is tempting to resort to nagging, but let me tell you, it is not worth it if it will poison your marriage over time. If there are any brothers reading this, let me also tell you that while your wife may be driving you crazy with her nagging, you need to critically think about why she is nagging too. Does she have a valid point? Then just do yourself a favor and listen to what your wife is trying to say.

At this point, I try not to nag, but if something is bothering me or is important, I let the Hubster know. Since I am not a chronic nagger, he actually takes what I say seriously and listens (for the most part….I still have not won my war against socks on the floor…if there is a wife who has please let me know your secret!). One of the most important things I learned from my older married couples is that you need to stop nagging because it makes your husband feel like a child. When he feels like a child, he will act like one which is not what either of you want.

How do you stop nagging? Here are some tips:

  • Notice what your husband is doing right. Does he call you to tell you he loves you? Does he make the bed for you? Does he change the oil in your car? My Hubster always surprises me with flowers, helps with the baby, and does other little things. When I feel tempted to nag, I remind myself of ALL of these good things.
  • Is the thing you want to nag him about a recurring issue? If it is a recurring issue that is important to you, you should talk it over with your husband. However, if this is a bad habit that is not going to break, assess if this is something you can live with. For me, rather than nag about socks on the floor, I just pick them up and put them away.
  • Tell your husband you love him. I sometimes forget how express how much I care for my husband. I have started to remind myself that just because he is a man, doesn’t mean he needs any less love than I do.

I hope these tips help you in some way, and that we can all be blessed with happy marriages. Are there are any tips you have? Let me know in the comments box!

Love and Marriage

Reality of Marriage

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Jasmine is such a little flower, but it provides the most lovely fragrance even at a distance.

Like jasmine’s demure size, it’s the little things in a marriage that keep it going.

The look of appreciation after a hard day’s work, telling your spouse how good they look, or even sending them a sweet email or text.

Like jasmine, it may seem small, but the beauty of the act travels far.

The contrasting thing that can poison a marriage is little bits of nagging. Saying “you never do things like so and so’s husband does.”

Let me tell you, sometimes you see people on Facebook talking about getting served breakfast in bed but what you may not know is how that spouse may have been kicked out that very same bed the night before!

You never know a couple’s whole married life, so stop comparing and enjoy what you have. Make sure to stop and smell the flowers on a stroll with your spouse today.

Love and Marriage

Islamic Marriage Advice

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My mom is a very special lady to me.

The thing with our parents is that they have wisdom that only experience can afford.

Today, I asked her about her thoughts on marriage in Islam. As usual, she told me something very wise. She said:

“Nowadays, people place far more importance on their careers than their marriages. Muslims need to view marriage as a start up company. If your boss asks you to work harder, you not only do it, but do it gladly! But if your husband asks for a simple kindness like a glass of water, it’s a BIG deal. Spouses are ready to walk away when things get tough. If people placed as much importance on their marriages like they did on their careers, the marriage would be a lot easier and happier.”

I couldn’t agree more.