Category Archives: Parenting

Parenting

10 Books That Will Excite Your Kids About Their Muslim Identity

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As a Muslim kid growing up in New York City in the 1980’s, I have to admit that I had it a LOT easier than most kids growing up in United States. I was lucky enough to live in a city where the vast majority of its residents were people of color and immigrants. However, I grew up in Queens in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood. It was a place where Christmas and Hannukah were celebrated, but no one would ever mention holidays like Kwanzaa or Eid. And forget about being able to eat gummy candies. Everything seemed to be made with pork or lard. My parents didn’t understand how or why it was important to create special holiday moments around Ramadan or Eid. They were just immigrants trying to instill a sense of devotion and faith in us. As a parent, I appreciate just how hard it must have been for my parents to do that.

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Even though I was a young thing, I still understood how cool leggings were. I am sure my mom will hate that I shared this.

Now, as a Muslim mom, I can’t help but be dazzled by the assortment of resources available to us for our own kids. If your kids want to eat marshmallows or gummy candies, they can easily be purchased from the halal meat store. If you want to buy Ramadan or Eid decorations for your home, there is Etsy and an extensive list of online retailers you can turn to. Even Party City offers Eid decorations now! It is easier than ever to share Islam with your kids, but why is it that I am as scared as ever raising my kids?

With digital device use on the rise, it is easy for kids to tune you out and listen to a constant barrage of negative or useless information. From Minecraft to Fortnite, there are games that kids can turn to as they turn away from their parents. This is not a post to criticize parents about allowing their kids to use these games. However, it is a lot harder than ever to communicate with our kids as they get more and more distracted by alluring calls for their attention.

One way I have been able to engage with my kids is to put my own phone down (which by way, is HARD). But I have found that when I do and I read books with my kids, we are interacting in a very real way that helps shape their core values. We read the classics like Good Night Moon, but we also read a lot of books that are centered around Islam and Muslims. Here are my top 10 Muslim books for kids of all ages to be inspired by.

Golden Domes and Silver Lanterns: A Muslim Book of Colors

Golden Domes Silver Lanterns

Golden Domes and Silver Lanterns

This book will enchant your children. With soothing rhymes by Hena Khan and dazzling illustrations by Merdokht Amini, your children will learn all about the colors of the world woven into the daily routine of a Muslim family. From the color of a prayer rug to the color of a grandfather’s cap, this book will entertain your kids with familiar everyday objects. This book is in steady rotation in my household, and I am sure it will be a favorite for your own kids. Please note that Hena Khan has book signings all over the country, so be sure to follow her and see when she is in your town. Ages 3+

Lailah’s Lunchbox

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This book is based on writer Reem Faruqi’s actual life of being homesick as a young schoolgirl. Lailah moves from a Muslim majority country to Georgia and struggles to explain why her lunchbox will be empty during the month of Ramadan to her teacher and friends. She is able to confide in a school librarian and figure out a way to share what Ramadan is with her class. This book is really wonderful for kids to understand that being shy is a normal part of life and that there is a whole range of emotions that happen with a big move. One scene my kids could relate to was when Lailah is offered her favorite treat while she is fasting and has to say no thank you. It is a great book for kids who are starting to fast a full day and need some encouragement. Ages 6+

Ilyas and Duck Search for Allah

Ilyas and Duck

This book is one that takes a simple picture book to explain the complex concept of searching for the divine. Your kids will love the adventures that Ilyas and Duck go on in their search of Allah, but parents will love that it is a great way to explain the concept of where God is. Omar S. Khawaja has an entire series of Ilyas and Duck books that are sure to be crowd pleasers with your own children. He also conducts readings and book signings at local masjids, so be sure to follow him and see when he is coming to your area. Ages 2+

Night of the Moon: A Muslim Holiday Story

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Writer Hena Khan appears on our list again for a reason: she is able to capture the unique Muslim American experience in a way like no other writer can in a way that resonates with kids. Her authentic storytelling is apparent in this book that follows a seven-year-old Pakistani American girl named Yasmeen as she celebrates the entire month of Ramadan with her family. From the moon sighting onwards, this book explains the concepts of moon sightings, phases, iftar time, chand raat (night of the moon) and more. Ages 5+

Noor Kids Stand Up To Bullying

Noor Kids

Amin G. Aaser writes about the dangers of peer pressure and even being passive in the face of bullying in a very interactive book that will appeal to your kids. Noor Kids is a unique business model that allows parents to subscribe monthly to receive books that are not only informative but presents ideas in a way that kids are sure to remember and implement in their own lives. Utilizing what they call the SIRAT method, Noor Kids relies on storytelling, identity curriculum, role models, active parenting, and thinking critically. It gives Muslim parents the tools they need to raise confident Muslims. I highly recommend checking out their blog for excellent parenting resources. Ages 3+

Ayat Jamilah: Beautiful Signs

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A comprehensive and beautiful anthology of traditional stories from around the world, this collection of short stories not only entertain but illuminate the importance of Islamic values and morals in a very powerful yet simple way. Ages 2+

Cinderella: An Islamic Tale

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If you are wary of sharing fairy tales with your children because you are sick of the Disney version OR you are horrified by the amount of violence in the original version, this book is for you. It retells the classic story of Cinderella as a Muslim woman of color. With important concepts such as the reliance of Allah and the idea that even the pious are tested with hardship, this fairy tale version really illuminates virtues that are integral to Muslims. I will say that you will have to console children who are sensitive because the idea of losing a parent is never easy. However, it is done in a way that doesn’t gloss over the death of a parent (like Disney) and allows readers a glimpse into what personal loss does look like. (Please note: I don’t recommend the Snow White version of this author’s series for young children as it delves into black magic, murder, and the concept of evil eye which I feel are concepts best left to older children) Ages 8+

Crescent Moons and Pointed Minarets: A Muslim Book of Shapes

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A continuation of Hena Khan’s book on colors, this book uses rhyming words and Merdokht Amini’s stunning illustrations to reinforce the concept of shapes using items familiar to Muslims all over the world. If your kids love the book Golden Domes and Silver Lanterns, this is a must-have for their collection of books. Ages 2+

Yo Soy Muslim

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A beautiful lyrical book by Mark Gonzales, this picture book discusses important concepts of racism and belonging while celebrating the Latino Muslim experience. A combination of surreal poetry with fantastical illustration by Merdokht Amini, this book is certain to make your kids proud of the diversity of the Muslim ummah and of their own heritage. Ages 6+

It’s Ramadan, Curious George!

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How can I not mention the book that made Ramadan mainstream? Writer Hena Khan takes your kids on a journey with Curious George that takes him to a masjid where he learns you take off shoes, iftar, and even an Eid celebration. This book is perfect for kids of all ages to get excited about Ramadan and Eid. Ages 2+

I truly hope this curated list gets you excited to start your own children’s library of Muslim books by Muslim authors. Let me know what books I should buy next for my own kids in the comments below!

Islam, Life, Parenting

Ramadan Decorating Ideas and Printables

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Eid Printables

ModernEid’s 2015 Printables make it easy to decorate for Eid.

One of the amazing parts of Ramadan as a Muslim parent is getting the chance to introduce the magic of it with your children. One of the ways to bring that magic to your child’s life is to welcome Ramadan to your home by decorating it with Ramadan decorations and crafts. Here are some tips to make decorating your home for Ramadan fun, easy and not too messy.

Printables

I admit it. I am a Muslim mom who loves shortcuts that look fancy. Who doesn’t? I have a newborn and a toddler, but I still want my home to look cute and ready for Eid and Ramadan. What is the best way to do it? Using printables. With the click of a mouse, you too can make a Ramadan decorated room worthy of Pinterest. Here are my favorite printables:

ModernEid Printables

Sakina Design Ramadan Printables

In My Studio Ramadan Banner Printable

DIY

Since my oldest child is now 4, I decided we could make a banner together so that she could have fun too. However, the perfectionist in me wanted the banner to look cute too. So I did an easy DIY banner with this kit from Target. To make it even easier, I added these stick on letters from Target to spell out “Ramadan Kareem.” She loved it! She got to play with stickers and I got to create a cute Ramadan banner. It was a win for all of us.

We also did crescent moon and star cut outs and doused them with glue and glitter. Let me just add that I now know why adults call glitter evil. It is terribly messy and is hard to get out! However, my daughter loved the activity and if it makes her excited about Ramadan, it is worth the mess and memories.

Lights

Oh Christmas, you aren’t the only holiday where people want to put up lights. Long ago, I used to stock up the day after Christmas on lights so that I could string them all over my house when it was time for weddings, Ramadan and Eid. This season, it seems that retailers are catching on about Ramadan and there was an abundance of lights to be purchased in the patio section of my local Target (oh Target, how I love thee). Some Muslim moms even found gold and silver battery operated lights in the Dollar Section of Target! Seriously, how are you not running to Target now?

I was not one of those lucky thrifty moms and I selected a super cute gold themed string of lights by Lilly Pulitzer from Target for Ramadan (I promise, this post was not sponsored by Target, I just happen to shop there a LOT).

How are you welcoming Ramadan this year? Do you have any decorating ideas that you would love to share? Please let us know in the comments below!

Islam, Life, Parenting

Mothers In Islam

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Muslim mom cradling her son's face.

Motherhood in Islam reflects the innate nurturing side that all mothers have for their own children.

Salaam my lovelies! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend inshallah. In the United States, yesterday was Mother’s Day, so I hope my fellow Muslim moms felt the love from their children and families.

One of the things that I noticed in our community is that there is a deep divide about celebrating Mother’s Day. While I have written posts about how it is not permissible for Muslims to celebrate holidays like Halloween or Christmas (based on scholars), it is typically because these are holidays based on other faiths. However, many Islamic scholars have deemed it permissible to celebrate Mother’s Day. And why would we not want to celebrate Mother’s Day? It is a day where we can honor our mothers like Allah (swt) and the Prophet (saws) recommend!

In fact, in the Quran, Allah (swt) states: Allah says: “And We enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother begot him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me is the journeying.” (Qur’an, 31:14)

We all know this hadith: Abu Hurayrah relates that a man came to the Messenger of Allah and said, “Which person is the most worthy of my excellent companionship?”

He replied, “Your mother.”

The man asked, “Then who?”

The Prophet said, “Your mother.”

Then the man said, “Then who?”

The Prophet replied, “Your mother.”

Then the man said, “Then who?”

The Prophet said, “Your father.”

(Bukhari and Muslim)

While we know this, did we ever stop and think about the meaning of this ayah and hadith? First, let’s look at the ayah. Allah (swt) mentions how the mother had “weakness upon weakness” when she has a child. This refers to the weaknesses of pregnancy and delivery. Yes, motherhood starts with pregnancy’s trials too. Once I got pregnant, I realized how my mother must have endured countless sleepless nights as a pregnant woman as well as countless days feeling the lovely waves of nausea from morning sickness. Alhamdulillah, motherhood is one of those rare moments where the very being taking your strength and energy becomes the very being you love even before you see him/her!

The hadith also indicates how important mothers are because of the difficulties of pregnancy and delivery as well as parenthood. If you notice, the hadith lists your mother 3 times over your father. Why is that? This is because your mother carried you for 9 months, had to endure childbirth, and then helped raise you versus a father who helps raise a child. Fathers are still important, but it shows Allah (swt)’s mercy on and fairness on mothers.

I actually overheard an older man complain about Mother’s Day asking why not celebrate fathers too? Well, in the United States, Father’s Day is celebrated in June. So both parents have a day to be recognized. That being said, Islam elevated the status of mothers because mothers have this extra portion of parenthood. So why not take the time to appreciate our mothers? While we should do this every day, doing something extra for our moms on this special day makes her feel appreciated and we gain reward. What better way to earn Jannah? I think its easier than doing any extra form of ibadah (worship).

So make sure to show your mom some love. And fellow Muslim moms, remember that while Mother’s Day is important, even if you didn’t get break, Allah (swt) sees all your hard work and will reward you accordingly inshallah. So keep being that awesome mom!

Life, Parenting

Muslim Children and Bullying: What Do Parents Do?

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Stop bullying

We all need to work to stop bullying of all kids.

Salaam my lovely readers. I hope you are well inshallah. I was recently asked by a fellow Muslim parent to discuss a pretty serious topic: Muslim children and bullying. In particular, what does a loving Muslim parent do when kids at school ask/tell their child if he/she is a terrorist?

We all view bullying as a rite of passage to adulthood. Teen movies always depict the popular kids picking on everyone else and reigning supreme in places like high school or even junior high. However, bullying is going even further than before because bullies have high tech tools like smartphones and laptops. It can make even seemingly harmless labels linger a lot longer than they should. How can a child teased about one incident move on if that one incident is forever memorialized on Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr?

Another scary dimension for Muslim parents is the added burden of being labeled as “other” in America even if you are born here. Before, it was harmless surprise in the face of fellow Americans to see a hijabi speak in accentless English. Now, we have to face the fact that people may look at you as a scary person, or there may be bigots who hurl insults at you or your children. We have to teach our kids to value themselves first so that no matter what other people say or think, they will have a strong foundation of self esteem and worth to elevate themselves beyond that.

How do we instill this in our kids?

  • Make Sure Your Kids Know They Matter To You: I want my baby girl to always know she is first in my heart besides God. I want her to feel safe to tell me about her day and her choices (even if right now its picking cereal over rice). She knows she matters because when she calls or reaches out for me, I am responsive. Be there for your kids so that they never feel alone.
  • Let Your Kids Know They Are Not Alone: When I share stories of my early teen hijabi days and what bullies said to me as a teenager to other teens, they look surprised because it is similar to the stuff they get too. Times may change, but people don’t. Share these stories with your kids so they know it happens to all of us, even their parents. Also, tell them God is always watching and listening to them. When they feel despair, HE is always there.
  • Encourage Civic Responsibility: One of the best ways to combat bullies is for your kids to get involved with helping their community. It helps them feel valued, loved, and gives them a sense of belonging. All of these things are the very things that bullies want to strip away from our kids. Another added benefit is that it actually helps deepen bonds in our community and is part of the Sunnah (life of the Prophet Muhammed (saws).
Parenting

Kids Say The Darnest Things

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I am a terrified mother. Why? Because I have a two year old daughter and I noticed that she can repeat anything like a parrot.

Alhamdulillah. She is absorbing a lot of information that she will be able to apply later in her life. However, I am scared that she is trying to absorb too much of what the adults around her do.

I want her to be a good person. But there is no manual to accomplish this. I stubbed my toe and thankfully said ouch, but all day my toddler kept rubbing her toe and saying owwww. What if I said &$?!!’ by accident?

How can I filter what she absorbs? The answer is that I can try, but I can’t do it 100%.

All I can do is keep trying. At least Muslim parents have some guidance in the Quran, Sunnah and the lives of the Companions alhamdullillah.

According to Umar (ra) the rights of children from their parents are:

1) To choose a good mother (or father) for him/her.

2) To select a good name for her/him.

3) To teach him/her the Quran.

For the first one, I actually sat and thought my Hubster would be kind hearted with his future kids when we met for marriage talks. This is because I saw how gentle he was with my own nieces and nephews. He also made sure to spoil his cousin’s children regularly. Mashallah, I am lucky because when I have to discipline my toddler, he tempers that with his warmth and love.

The second one is important too. A name becomes a part of a person. If you give a good Islamic name, you start to embody that name. My name is Minara which is a derivative of minaret which is where the caller of prayer stands. It is interesting because it is now in my nature to call others to the beauty of our deen. I named my daughter Safiya so she can embody the noble qualities that the wife of the Prophet (saws) had. And wouldn’t you know she is very empathetic and fiercely independent mashallah.

Lastly, I am trying to teach her Quran. I am not the best parent, but I am trying. She is only two (today is her birthday!) but I can at least try to teach her Surah Ikhlas.

I hope that Allah (swt) blesses all those Muslim parents out there trying. It’s not easy, but keep trying. Even in the United States, there are people of all faiths trying to stay modest and raise good children to be good people. Just remember that and make lots of dua for you and for me too! 🙂

Parenting

Tips on How Soothe a Sick Toddler

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If you have children, then you know that when baby is sick, no one is happy or can be at peace. Sick toddlers especially demand a lot of attention. What is a Muslim parent to do with a sick toddler? Here are my tips and tricks for how to soothe that poor sick toddler:

1. Baby Vicks VapoRub: this product is a miracle worker. Rub this on your little sick toddler’s chest and the bottoms of her feet and she will instantly feel better.

2.Steam Bath (or shower): this helps open up your sick toddler’s little stuffed nose and will let your sick baby breathe a little better.

3. Fluids: I am a strict mom. I only allow my little toddler milk or water. However, when she is feeling sick, I do let her have juice because she thinks she is getting a treat and it helps her stay hydrated. I also feed her soups when I can tempt her.

4. Special Me Time : I let my toddler get her way when she is sick. This means reading her extra books and watch her favorite TV show (not too much though!).

5. Extra Love: I sit next to her while she sleeps so if my sick baby needs me, I am right there. I am blogging right now while she is resting. I give her extra cuddles, kisses and love in the hopes it helps her get better faster iA.

I hope these tips help you if your little one is sick. Do you have any other helpful tips to share? Make sure to comment below.

Islam, Life, Parenting

Raising Muslim Kids In A Hyper Sexualized World

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Muslim Children in Hyderabad

Muslim Children in Hyderabad

With more children suffering at the hands of this sexually driven world, I am starting to feel scared as a Muslim parent. Recently, The Telegraph did a whole article about the prevalence of pornography in all facets of our lives and how they are starting to affect children. Reading the article struck fear in my heart. As a parent of a toddler who is barely 2, I am starting to realize that she is absorbing everything around her; good and bad.

I am lucky because at this age, I can be her media gatekeeper. I refuse to watch anything remotely adult around her. It has been a blessing for me too. I recently shared an article on my Facebook about how desensitized that our society has become that Beyonce’s Super Bowl performance did not cause anyone to bat an eyelash. I was blessed because I didn’t subject my eyes and my soul to what was described as a purely objectifying performance that did a disservice to the singer and women in general. However, I can’t shield my child from glancing over magazine covers while in line to buy groceries and other inevitable instances of sexualized exposure.

That being said, I am not going to despair. In the time of the Prophet, there were all sorts of ignorance (jahiliyya) around. People used to go around the Kaaba naked! So in order to combat these influences that may take away my child’s innocence, I plan to do the following:

  • Spend as much time as I can: I plan to spend every moment I can ENGAGED with my child. I lock my phone in an unknown place unless we are FaceTiming grandparents and I spend as much time as I can talking to my child face to face. we play games, we play pretend, we do yoga, we watch child appropriate TV. We even pray together. I want my time with her to dominate her memories.
  • Teach boundaries: I want my daughter to know what is right and wrong. When she does something wrong, I simply say stop and walk away so she knows that there are consequences to her wrong actions. I hope this instills a sense of responsibility in her inshallah. I am still a new parent, so if anyone has any pointers, please let me know! She knows that she can’t touch any electronic device without a grown up supervising.
  • Show your love: I show my daughter I love her all the time to the point she rubs my kisses away. But I want her to know that she is loved for who she is, not for what she looks like or what she can give anyone. I want her to grow up feeling valued as a human being so that when the time comes, she will know that she is not an object and that she has more to contribute to society. It is so sad, but even The Onion did a parody piece about the awkward moment that a girl transitions into a sexual being. So when that moment comes, I hope that my daughter knows she is more than that to me and can hold tight to the values I raise her with inshallah.
Parenting

Being Present: Mommyhood Woes

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As a proud mom of a toddler, I keep repeating “This is happening too fast! Stop growing!” My little girl is reaching each milestone faster and faster.

It also makes me realize how important it is to be content with your life and the people in it RIGHT now. Too often, we have conditions attached to our happiness. “If I get into school” or “When I get married”. What we forget is to be grateful for what we have NOW.

I remember how when my daughter was first born, I would say “it will get easier later” or “when she gets bigger I will”. But now that she is turning into this beautiful person, I realize how I should have savored her babyhood a little more.

So now, I am more engaged with her. I read her stories (I always have) but I play with her too. I make silly faces. I do very inelegant and unfashionable things just to make her laugh. I want her to remember me as a fun loving mom. Not a mom who was counting the moments to the next milestone.

In a way, I have to thank Allah for giving her as a gift to my life. Because without her, I would have never learned to slow down. So I thank God every chance I get. And I also pray to slow down this rapid growth just a tad too ;).

Life, Parenting

Halloween and Islam

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Cute Picture From Jannah Steps Blog

I know that a lot of you may be tempted to dress yourself or your kids up for Halloween. However, the majority of scholars have said that Halloween in particular is a celebration that true followers of Islam should not celebrate.  I feel awful because even though I was always a practicing Muslim, I didn’t realize how harmful Halloween was until much later in life. So I decided to write this post to help more Muslims gain awareness about it.  While it may seem harmless to dress up and eat candy on Halloween, here is an excerpt from SuhaibWebb.com.

“The consensus of our scholars have prohibited taking part in the activities or selling the items specifically related to celebrating holidays representing religions other than Islam. This is due to the hadith we mentioned, ‘Whoever imitates or resembles a people is one of them’ (Bukhari)

Among these is Halloween which is an ancient polytheist pagan tradition of Europe that was switched to All Souls day once Roman Catholicism had spread throughout Europe. It gained back its pagan roots with the capitalist venture of profit in those polytheist rituals. The current practices are almost identical to those done by the Polytheist originators of this holiday. If you are truly a follower of the Qur’an and Sunnah – not someone who follows their desires, or someone who simply wishes to fit in even when it compromises their religion – then you will not partake in this holiday.

We must not take part in this celebration. Instead, we should try to organize mosque activities on this night, or try and go somewhere that doesn’t celebrate it, or at least just keep your lights off outside of your house.”

For those of you in the Bay Area, MCC East Bay is planning a nice event called November’s Eve Celebration at Sienna Ranch from 5:30pm-8:30pm. It will be a halal alternative to Halloween replete with s’mores, bon fire, face painting, and henna. Since this is NOT a Halloween event, please don’t come in costume iA.

I hope this post finds all of my East coast readers well and I hope this helps all Muslims decide to do the right thing today iA.