Salaams my lovelies! I hope you have all had a wonderful week inshallah. Typically, I do a fun Follow Friday post, but today, I wanted to share something personal with you. I recently stopped blogging for a bit because of something I have had to grapple with. I have noticed a scary new trend that I would like to call “mean girls with hijab.” Just so you know, I am a hijabi and I always try to love and support all of my fellow hijabis, but with the advent of texting, email, and social media, it seems that some of these fellow hijabis are not quite into sisterhood like I am.
I am going to share one of my own personal experiences with this. Obviously, I have left off names, but the interaction with this mother of two really jarred me. Recently a hijabi sister reached out in a mass message letting a group know she will be going to Hajj and asking for us to forgive her if she ever hurt anyone intentionally or unintentionally. She supplied her personal email address so we can reach out to her directly if we needed to. Well I made the mistake to actually reach out and ask her why she had removed me from her friend list on Facebook to begin with. If I were to go back in time, I would have never emailed this sister because the response I actually got back was so disturbing that I really regret reaching out. Here is what I had initially sent:
Mabruk on going to Hajj this year! I wanted to let you know I never had any ill will or hard feelings toward you, but can you tell me why you had defriended me on Facebook?
At the time it had hurt my feelings as I didn’t know you very well. But if you feel bad because of things someone else told you, I wish you would let me know.
Good luck on the most blessed of journeys!
Granted, I should not have assumed she was being told anything about me, but here is what I was sent back (edited since it was lengthy):
I make my friends based on people which I find would be a good company for me and would be a good surrounding for my kids.
The first time I met u u came across to me as some one who was very materialistic who wanted people to know that she had a (I have deleted the brand name here) diamond ring. There was no conversation about any type of jewelry between you and I and then all of a sudden you were (i feel) bragging about ur ring which turned me off soooooo much. I like to make friends with people who show no care about the wordly things and i’m sorry if I came across to u as someone who cared about this.
I personally was really surprised by this email and just wished her a wonderful trip to Allah’s house, but I did not call her. However, I was left feeling worse off than before I emailed her. I was sent this email earlier in the week, and I wondered all week if I should share it because I did not want to share something so personal. However, I felt if I was getting emails like this, than all of my readers must have encountered something like this. A situation where a fellow hijabi is hiding behind technology to write something mean to you. A situation where a fellow hijabi would never personally utter the words to another hijabi in person, but can be mean via text, email or social media.
The reason I ultimately decided to show you this email is two fold. To show you that first we must be introspective. The instance she mentioned? Maybe I was showing and I need to be mindful of first impressions. Perhaps I need to work on myself. While this email wasn’t worded the best way, it did highlight something that I need to work on with myself. The other reason I shared this email is that I wanted to actually take these hateful words out of the “hidden” world of technology. Now that these words are on my blog, do these words still seem appropriate?
Let’s all be mindful of the sunnah and think before we type or speak. I know I definitely will.