With some hard work, your marriage can be one that lasts long into your golden years inshallah.
All marriages get into a rut. We have all been there. We get so used to our spouse, that anything they do may annoy us. Those little beard trimmings in the sink? Not so cute. Those socks on the floor? Downright annoying. Those late nights at the office? All of it can have you wonder “Why did I ever bother getting married?”
News flash ladies: All of these feelings are normal! What is not so great is that we are so used to instant gratification in our culture that the minute things get tough, we are all ready to walk away. I don’t know if this is because we are used to everything being disposable now. I remember how when we bought a television, that television was anticipated to LAST forever (or at least a decade or so). Now, if you keep your television longer than five years, people think you are crazy. Even with clothes, we are so used to just throwing away clothes that rip or tear versus trying to mend them and wear them longer. I have friends who have made fun of me for taking my battle worn flats to the cobbler a few times because I did not want to throw them away.
It seems that disposable culture is seeping into our personal lives too. We are so quick to throw away friendships, marriages, and even blood relations.
My lovely readers, please take some time and think about how to rethink things in your marriage. Here are some tips to help you get started:
- Focus On What Made You Fall In Love: Was it your spouse’s smile that made you start caring? Was it the easy way you can talk to your spouse about anything? Was it the way your spouse gently wakes you up for fajr? Retrain your mind to see those qualities first. It makes it a lot easier to let go of the things that annoy you.
- Realize That Some Things Won’t Change: If those annoyances are recurring things, it is highly probable that those things are not going to change. So instead of forcing your spouse to conform to your needs and desires, try to overlook these things. It will save you a lot of fighting and stress.
- Focus On You: Sometimes you may be overworked and your spouse inadvertently gets the brunt of your stress! let your spouse know if you need a break for some “me time.” Chances are your spouse will work with you to keep you happy too. For me, I have to work out and I need time to blog. So my Hubster always makes sure to take care of the baby while I do that. When I come back from whatever it was I was doing, I always feel happier and more likely to share the love all around. That saying “When Mama is Happy, Everyone Is Happy” is totally true in our house!
What are your ingredients for success?
A happy Muslim couple
Jumah mubarak my lovelies! I hope that you are all doing well on this Friday inshallah. I have been doing a lot of fashion/style/beauty posts so I decided to do a Muslim lifestyle blog post today on marriage. I wanted to do it on a topic that I think is super important because I feel like young Muslim couples are being pushed more than ever to part over things that may not be worth fighting over. Just as a background, I will be celebrating my own 4 year anniversary with the Hubster next week inshallah. Over those years, I had to learn a few things the HARD way. I wanted to share one of the key elements that I found my own marriage much happier.
One of the things that I noticed that really affected my marriage was nagging. Yes, ladies, while nagging works in the short term, one of the awful long term effects is that your husband starts to resent it (and maybe even you) and then he will start to ignore you and tune you out. It is tempting to resort to nagging, but let me tell you, it is not worth it if it will poison your marriage over time. If there are any brothers reading this, let me also tell you that while your wife may be driving you crazy with her nagging, you need to critically think about why she is nagging too. Does she have a valid point? Then just do yourself a favor and listen to what your wife is trying to say.
At this point, I try not to nag, but if something is bothering me or is important, I let the Hubster know. Since I am not a chronic nagger, he actually takes what I say seriously and listens (for the most part….I still have not won my war against socks on the floor…if there is a wife who has please let me know your secret!). One of the most important things I learned from my older married couples is that you need to stop nagging because it makes your husband feel like a child. When he feels like a child, he will act like one which is not what either of you want.
How do you stop nagging? Here are some tips:
- Notice what your husband is doing right. Does he call you to tell you he loves you? Does he make the bed for you? Does he change the oil in your car? My Hubster always surprises me with flowers, helps with the baby, and does other little things. When I feel tempted to nag, I remind myself of ALL of these good things.
- Is the thing you want to nag him about a recurring issue? If it is a recurring issue that is important to you, you should talk it over with your husband. However, if this is a bad habit that is not going to break, assess if this is something you can live with. For me, rather than nag about socks on the floor, I just pick them up and put them away.
- Tell your husband you love him. I sometimes forget how express how much I care for my husband. I have started to remind myself that just because he is a man, doesn’t mean he needs any less love than I do.
I hope these tips help you in some way, and that we can all be blessed with happy marriages. Are there are any tips you have? Let me know in the comments box!