Being A Single Hijabi

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Salaams my lovelies! I hope you are having a great week inshallah. I wanted to write a post to help my single hijabi sisters out.

I wanted to let you know that as a hijabi since 1994, I had my share of naysayers. Lots of people tried to tell me that as a hijabi I wouldn’t find a guy interested to marry me.

In my early 20s I was indignant. How dare they tell me I can’t get married? But as my late 20s rolled in, I panicked. I started to notice my non hijabi friends get snapped up and married. I was starting to notice looks of sympathy amongst the auntie set.

Let me tell you, it’s not easy. But stay strong hijabis! It may seem like even the “religious” brothers are marrying non hijabis, but Allah (swt) has written who you will marry. It’s only a test. Remember that if you stay strong, you will be rewarded by Allah (swt).

I can tell you that in my own experience, I had patience and alhamdulillah I found the perfect spouse for me. He supports my professional life and nurtures me spiritually. So stay strong sisters! It does get better. In the meantime keep being your awesome selves. Sending some love and duas your way. You are definitely not alone. 🙂

Meet The Brand: Sixteenrscarves

Nancy Hoque is a trailblazer looking to empower hijabis worldwide with her brand Sixteenrscarves.

Nancy Hoque is a trailblazer looking to empower hijabis worldwide with her brand Sixteenrscarves.

When I first started wearing hijab in 1994 in New York City, I have to say we did not have any options for hijabis other than a plain black triangle hijab. It was a very challenging time for a hijabi to have any sense of style, let alone think about hijab style or hijab fashion as a stand alone concept. I remember having to make the trek from Queens to Brooklyn to even find a hijab that had any color in it or wait until the Muslim Day Parade came around in the late spring. I am so glad that times have changed and we have wonderful designers who have taken the time from their lives to help enhance the wardrobes of hijabis every where!

One such designer is Nancy Hoque, the whiz behind the hijab brand Sixteenrscarves. If you are a hijabi who doesn’t follow the pack (but which hijabi really does?) then this is the brand for you. Her designs are artistic, yet very wearable. Considering the ethnic mix here in the Bay Area, I can see a hijabi hipster totally rocking a scarf from her brand in the Mission right here in San Francisco. I got to meet with Nancy and ask her a few questions to get to know the woman behind the brand. She is just a lovely woman mashallah and I can’t wait to see what she has in store for us lucky hijabis next. Here is my interview with Nancy. Read on for more about the brand, how she got her start as a designer, and what every hijabi should have:

1) What does the name sixteenrscarves stand for?
I used to live on the corner of 16th and R street in Washington DC. Thats where sixteenR came from.

2) How did you get into design and modest fashion?
When I started wearing a headscarf and even before that, I always tried to dress modest and have it look cool at the same time. I’ve always been into the arts, sketching almost everyday, painting, creating crafts. I would flip through fashion magazines and be inspired by the different ways women can dress. Of course the way Muslim women approach dressing is very different from how we see dressing presented in the mainstream fashion world. That aspect of this “under ground” modest fashion movement which has been underway with Muslim women the last 5 years is what inspired me to start designing and create sixteenR.

3) What is the most important piece of advice about design that you have received?
Knowing what type of material you use for a scarf is really important. Whether or not it is easy to wrap or not.

4) If you could collaborate with any designer who would it be and why?
This is a really hard question because I love too many designers! I would collaborate with Prada, because I love their creativity on how they present their clothes. They look into the past and take certain design elements, but their designs end up looking into the future. I also love Diane Von Furstenburg. Her story and stance on feminism is very inspiring and would totally be awesome to work with.

5) What are your top 3 essentials that every hijabi should own?
1. Under scarf. Either a headband or inner scarf.
2. A hair band to tie the hair.
3. A lot of self-confidence

6) If you could dress anyone, who would it be and why? (could be someone who is not alive)
I would love to do a photoshoot with Yuna Zarai and style her. I would also love to dress Ibtihaj Muhammad or Nour Tagouri.

7) What part of our faith that inspires you the most?
The part where it teaches you to be confident with your faith despite what others may think or say. The part that encourages to connect with your Muslim sisters and be a part of the community and to contribute.

8) You’re not only a fabulous designer, but a mom too. How do you balance work and family?be
Time management and going to bed really late. 🙂 My family supports me and gives me time to work. Otherwise it would be impossible to do. I am blessed allhumdulilah.

9) What is one thing your fans may not know about you?
I’ve lived in 5 different cities, in 3 different states, in 2 different countries the last 5 years.

10) What beauty product do you swear by?
Black pencil eyeliner.

Mothers In Islam

Muslim mom cradling her son's face.

Motherhood in Islam reflects the innate nurturing side that all mothers have for their own children.

Salaam my lovelies! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend inshallah. In the United States, yesterday was Mother’s Day, so I hope my fellow Muslim moms felt the love from their children and families.

One of the things that I noticed in our community is that there is a deep divide about celebrating Mother’s Day. While I have written posts about how it is not permissible for Muslims to celebrate holidays like Halloween or Christmas (based on scholars), it is typically because these are holidays based on other faiths. However, many Islamic scholars have deemed it permissible to celebrate Mother’s Day. And why would we not want to celebrate Mother’s Day? It is a day where we can honor our mothers like Allah (swt) and the Prophet (saws) recommend!

In fact, in the Quran, Allah (swt) states: Allah says: “And We enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother begot him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me is the journeying.” (Qur’an, 31:14)

We all know this hadith: Abu Hurayrah relates that a man came to the Messenger of Allah and said, “Which person is the most worthy of my excellent companionship?”

He replied, “Your mother.”

The man asked, “Then who?”

The Prophet said, “Your mother.”

Then the man said, “Then who?”

The Prophet replied, “Your mother.”

Then the man said, “Then who?”

The Prophet said, “Your father.”

(Bukhari and Muslim)

While we know this, did we ever stop and think about the meaning of this ayah and hadith? First, let’s look at the ayah. Allah (swt) mentions how the mother had “weakness upon weakness” when she has a child. This refers to the weaknesses of pregnancy and delivery. Yes, motherhood starts with pregnancy’s trials too. Once I got pregnant, I realized how my mother must have endured countless sleepless nights as a pregnant woman as well as countless days feeling the lovely waves of nausea from morning sickness. Alhamdulillah, motherhood is one of those rare moments where the very being taking your strength and energy becomes the very being you love even before you see him/her!

The hadith also indicates how important mothers are because of the difficulties of pregnancy and delivery as well as parenthood. If you notice, the hadith lists your mother 3 times over your father. Why is that? This is because your mother carried you for 9 months, had to endure childbirth, and then helped raise you versus a father who helps raise a child. Fathers are still important, but it shows Allah (swt)’s mercy on and fairness on mothers.

I actually overheard an older man complain about Mother’s Day asking why not celebrate fathers too? Well, in the United States, Father’s Day is celebrated in June. So both parents have a day to be recognized. That being said, Islam elevated the status of mothers because mothers have this extra portion of parenthood. So why not take the time to appreciate our mothers? While we should do this every day, doing something extra for our moms on this special day makes her feel appreciated and we gain reward. What better way to earn Jannah? I think its easier than doing any extra form of ibadah (worship).

So make sure to show your mom some love. And fellow Muslim moms, remember that while Mother’s Day is important, even if you didn’t get break, Allah (swt) sees all your hard work and will reward you accordingly inshallah. So keep being that awesome mom!

Follow Friday: Marwa Atik

Marwa Atik

Marwa Atik, the designer behind Vela Scarves is a mix of rock and roll chic with easy California style.

Salaams my lovelies and jumuah mubarak! As you know, Friday, I try to do a Follow Friday post on an Instagram account that I love to follow. Since I realized that it seems like I am obsessed with hijabis from the UK, I decided to feature an American hijabi this week! I want to introduce you readers to Marwa Atik. Marwa Atik is the designer behind the beautiful hijab line called Vela Scarves. Born to parents of Syrian and Turkish descent, Marwa realized that she wanted to design scarves when she would doodle scarf designs during her nursing classes. Luckily for all of us, she switched majors and is now taking classes in Fashion and Merchandising.

Marwa has two Instagram accounts. The first, @velascarves is her line’s official account and features not only her eclectic style, but also a variety of hijabis who wear her scarves that are affectionately called “Vela Girls”. One of my favorite Vela Girls is aspiring news anchor Noor Tagouri.

Marwa Atik’s personal Instagram account is @marwa_atik. This account is all Marwa and shows you a sneak peek into her life as a busy designer, diligent fashion student, and hijabi on the go. I love checking out her account for the latest on ways to mix edgier pieces. Plus, she has a professed love for old school rap. How can you not love her? As a non glamorous mom, it is always nice to see a hijabi who can always look amazing (even when sleep deprived) so that I can get some inspiration for myself to get out of my easy jeans and into something a little bit cooler. Check out Marwa Atik and her gorgeous hijab designs and let me know what you think.

Online Shopping Review: Hijab-ista

Hijab-ista

If you need hijabi essentials like comfortable hijabs, make sure to shop at Hijab-ista!

I know I have written about Hijab-ista before, but can I just tell you how I ordered a bunch of items from them, and when the package came it felt like Eid! I ordered straight hijab pins, a long sleeve shrug to wear underneath short (or see through sleeves), two hijabs, a hijab cap, and a maxi skirt. I was expecting to like a few of the items, but I loved them all! Even their straight hijab pins are on point (or should I say pointy enough to pierce as many folds as my hijab holds). The hijab cap was way better than the ones I was using. It was all stretchy and comfortable with an elastic banded side to accommodate lots of hair. I used to get headaches from my underscarf caps, but not with this one!

The long sleeved shrugs are PERFECT. If you are a desi like me, you know how most shalwar kameez (traditional Indian outfit) comes with see through long sleeves. If you wear one of these shrugs, then you don’t ever have to worry about your arms showing. It is just sheer (haha no pun intended) genius. I used to attempt to wear those “long sleeves” you can roll up, but I find that if you don’t have stick skinny arms, they roll down and then you still show your upper arms. This one piece shrug solves that issue. So ladies, make sure to snatch a pair up for your wedding season outfits.

I ordered some jersey hijabs from Hijab-ista too. They are true to the colors you see on their site. They feel like the softest t-shirt so they are perfect if you want to wear a hijab that will be comfortable all day long. They are very breathable so I would recommend these for hijabis in hot climates.

My last buy was one of their maxi skirts. Again, its really comfortable because it has an elastic waistband and is made from a nice jersey fabric. If you like the pleated maxi skirt, but you have curves, this is the skirt for you. The pleats are in a nice drapey jersey material so it does not poof out and make you look bigger than you really are. Always a PLUS in my book. What are your favorite Hijab-ista pieces? Let me know what I should try next!

Follow Friday: Aisha Liinaa

Salaam my lovelies! Jumuah mubarak to you all. It’s been a hectic week, but expect a few more exciting blog posts in the next few days. I recently did a guest blog post for the amazing blog Haute Hijab on how hijabis seem to be bullying each other on social media platforms, and I plan to do a very special Meet the Brand blog post on Sixteenrscarves soon inshallah. Designer Nancy Hoque is just amazing woman and I can’t wait to share her insights on hijabi fashion, style, and wardrobe inspiration.

Okay, now that you know some of my updates, I wanted to share a very cute vlogger and Instagrammer with you. Her name is Aisha Liinaa, and she does the cutest hijab tutorials that are not only clearer than most, but also very funny. I happen to think she is a dead ringer for Amenakin from Pearl Daisy, but she does have her own unique sense of style which is why I think she warrants a “one to watch” status in my book. She is also mindful of selecting very accessible pieces and pulling them together in very beautiful outfits. She reminds me of the cute hijabi next door look with a dose of ethnic chic. Hailing from the UK, she even has that adorable British accent. Is it me, or does it seem like all the stylish hijabis are from the UK? I am from the U.S. so I may have to do some digging to find a cute American hijabi.

Well, make sure to check out Aisha Liinaa this week and follow her on Instagram for cute makeup and hijab tips @aishaliinaa.

Note to self: Feature an American hijabi for next Friday!

When Dreams Are Deferred

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Sometimes it’s hard to say why, but you can get afflicted with sadness. During these moments it is best to remember what Allah (swt) tells us about what he promised the people of Musa (as) after they crossed the river and escaped Firawn:
And remember when your Lord made known, “If you are grateful then I will surely increase you but if you are ungrateful then surely My torment is surely severe”.
Surah 14 Ayah 7

Why is that? The people of Musa (as) suffered unspeakable sadness at the hands of Firawn. So instead of letting that sadness etch a bitterness in their hearts, Allah (swt) is giving them an antidote.

Gratitude is the cure of sadness.

I have been noticing that I have been sad because a lot of my own dreams have been deferred. At first I was sad. I mean my dreams are more like wanting to see Allah (swt)’s house during Hajj, or even something mundane as going to Paris.

I realize that Allah (swt) is deferring these dreams and I can’t question that.

However, on a deeper note, I realize that gratitude is important as well. It helps you have more sabr (patience). It helps you realize what your blessings are and prevents us from causing God’s displeasure.

Gratitude helps us stop and appreciate what we have. Here is where I definitely felt like a first world problems (whiny blogger). I am upset about Hajj? What about Syrians losing their family members daily? Or Palestinians not even given their rights to cross a checkpoint to see a doctor? That really puts it in perspective.

Gratitude helps bring more blessings. Allah (swt) promises in that ayah that if you are grateful, Allah (swt) will increase you. The Arabic is beautiful because it does not specify what. This means that Allah (swt) will increase each person in something they need based on their life. How poetic is that? And Allah ( swt) doesn’t specify the punishment for ingratitude, but we should avoid it because who really wants to face Allah (swt)’s anger?

So for the moment, I am turning inward to be more grateful. And you know what? Somehow I don’t feel so sad anymore.

The Importance Of Taking It Slow

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Salaams my lovelies! I hope you are having a great weekend inshallah. Some of you may have even had a long weekend thanks to Good Friday.

It’s been a crazy hectic few weeks in terms of traveling for work for not only myself, but my Hubster too.

So we thought we would take a day to explore some place that wasn’t too far but was just far enough that we could feel like we got a little mini vacation in.

We went to Monterey and Pacific Grove in California. Not only did we feel refreshed, we felt rejuvenated on the inside as well. We spend so much time on screens (laptops, iPads, iPhones, etc), that we forget the beauty of Allah (swt)’s creation. In Surah 13, Ayah 3, Allah (swt) says:

And it is He who spread out the earth, and set thereon mountains standing firm and (flowing) rivers: and fruit of every kind He made in pairs, two and two: He draweth the night as a veil o’er the Day. Behold, verily in these things there are signs for those who consider!

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Here I was witnessing the beauty of sea cliffs carpeting with wildflowers before me today and wondering how we are have become numb in our daily lives. I am very guilty of not looking at the beauty of nature more and making dhikr or dua as I do so.

We need to take it slow sometimes. It will make us better spouses, parents and Muslims. We can’t do everything! No one expects us to either. Sometimes we are our own worst multitasking enemy. So remember to take it slow and realize that you may think you are doing nothing, but strolling and taking in nature’s beauty and doing dhikr cleanses our hearts and rejuvenates the soul.

So if you are like me, I ask you to do yourself a favor. Unplug even for an hour and take your little ones on a nature adventure. It will be fun for the kids and you will notice how relaxing it is for you too. It is in our nature to admire things of beauty and worship our Lord. So this will help you do both.

Try it and let me know what you think inshallah. 🙂

Success In A Muslim Marriage

Older Muslim Couple

With some hard work, your marriage can be one that lasts long into your golden years inshallah.

All marriages get into a rut. We have all been there. We get so used to our spouse, that anything they do may annoy us. Those little beard trimmings in the sink? Not so cute. Those socks on the floor? Downright annoying. Those late nights at the office? All of it can have you wonder “Why did I ever bother getting married?”

News flash ladies: All of these feelings are normal! What is not so great is that we are so used to instant gratification in our culture that the minute things get tough, we are all ready to walk away. I don’t know if this is because we are used to everything being disposable now. I remember how when we bought a television, that television was anticipated to LAST forever (or at least a decade or so). Now, if you keep your television longer than five years, people think you are crazy. Even with clothes, we are so used to just throwing away clothes that rip or tear versus trying to mend them and wear them longer. I have friends who have made fun of me for taking my battle worn flats to the cobbler a few times because I did not want to throw them away.

It seems that disposable culture is seeping into our personal lives too. We are so quick to throw away friendships, marriages, and even blood relations.

My lovely readers, please take some time and think about how to rethink things in your marriage. Here are some tips to help you get started:

  • Focus On What Made You Fall In Love: Was it your spouse’s smile that made you start caring? Was it the easy way you can talk to your spouse about anything? Was it the way your spouse gently wakes you up for fajr? Retrain your mind to see those qualities first. It makes it a lot easier to let go of the things that annoy you.
  • Realize That Some Things Won’t Change: If those annoyances are recurring things, it is highly probable that those things are not going to change. So instead of forcing your spouse to conform to your needs and desires, try to overlook these things. It will save you a lot of fighting and stress.
  • Focus On You: Sometimes you may be overworked and your spouse inadvertently gets the brunt of your stress! let your spouse know if you need a break for some “me time.” Chances are your spouse will work with you to keep you happy too. For me, I have to work out and I need time to blog. So my Hubster always makes sure to take care of the baby while I do that. When I come back from whatever it was I was doing, I always feel happier and more likely to share the love all around. That saying “When Mama is Happy, Everyone Is Happy” is totally true in our house!

What are your ingredients for success?